“If I just found someone to love me I would be really happy”. “When I have paid all my debts, I will at last be happy”. “It makes me so happy when my child gets good grades at school”.
True or False? All of the above are false. And yet how many times a day do I say or think something similar? For me the most frequent one is, “when I have a home where I feel safe and welcome, I will at last be happy”. Another one I say often to my dear Judy is “you make me so happy”. Yet none of these words are true.
I decided to look up the word “happiness” in the dictionary for help.
“Happiness is a state of mind or feeling characterized by contentment, love, satisfaction, pleasure, or joy.” That’s all very well, I thought to myself, but how do I get there? How can I find that sense of joy and contentment.
Then I tried to remember times when I have been really happy. Actually this morning I had a fleeting moment of joy. I was watering the garden, the sun was shining and a cooling breeze tickled my almost naked body (our garden is very private!). A tiny humming bird was buzzing around my head. A sudden trill of joy filled me, just by being alive in that moment. I had a split second of being totally in the NOW. And as soon as I realised it was happening, I began thinking about it, and it was gone. The humming bird was still there, so was the garden and the sun, it was all just as beautiful, but I had lost the pure beingness of the moment, being part of it all.
I do actually know how happiness is. I also know I can’t “make” it happen, it can only happen when I am somehow, almost unknowingly, doing those things that create happiness. Luckily a dear friend of mine, Anna Rudel from Lokahi Acupuncture (she’s amazing) put the suggestions below on her Facebook page just a few days ago. I am going to print these out and stick them on my bathroom mirror so I will see them every day. (The other thing on my mirror is the Four Agreements from Don Miguel Ruiz).
1. Be grateful –
Some study participants were asked to write letters of gratitude to people who had helped them in some way. The study found that these people reported a lasting increase in happiness – over weeks and even months – after implementing the habit. What’s even more surprising: Sending the letter is not necessary. Even when people wrote letters but never delivered them to the addressee, they still reported feeling better afterwards.
2. Be optimistic – Another practice that seems to help is optimistic thinking. Study participants were asked to visualize an ideal future – for example, living with a loving and supportive partner, or finding a job that was fulfilling – and describe the image in a journal entry. After doing this for a few weeks, these people too reported increased feelings of well-being.
3. Count your blessings – People who practice writing down three good things that have happened to them every week show significant boosts in happiness, studies have found. It seems the act of focusing on the positive helps people remember reasons to be glad.
4. Use your strengths – Another study asked people to identify their greatest strengths, and then to try to use these strengths in new ways. For example, someone who says they have a good sense of humor could try telling jokes to lighten up business meetings or cheer up sad friends. This habit, too, seems to heighten happiness.
5. Commit acts of kindness – It turns out helping others also helps ourselves. People who donate time or money to charity, or who altruistically assist people in need, report improvements in their own happiness.
So there you have it, creating these five habits will increase our happiness. And instead of saying “you make me happy” to Judy, I could say “I am very grateful and happy that you are in my life”. Years ago I kept a Gratitude Journal, every night I would write a list of things I was grateful for. Whatever happened to the Journal?
When I begin to count my blessings, there is no end to them. I have wonderful children and grandchildren, I lived at Findhorn for 25 years, I have friends who love me and whom I love, I have this amazing computer I am typing on, I live at a time of amazing changes and wonders.
Just one more thing that has just occurred to me. Forgiveness. Yes, I would add that to the list. Forgiving others and myself.
Going through my iPhoto albums, I’ve come across a few (well, lots really) pictures when I was really really happy.
Happiness is spending time with an old friend.
Happiness is the first sweet fig of the season.
Happiness is a juicy water melon
Happiness is being a child again
Happiness is soft teddy bear
Happiness is the freedom of Salt Spring island in Canada
Happiness is knowing your Congressman is on your side. Our hero Mike Honda.
Happiness is having tea with my old friend Leona
Are you smiling yet?